The first televised debate in British political history was last night won by the bloke who isn’t the Prime Minister, or the leader of the Conservatives.
Polls reported that the man, who nobody seems to recognise, won the debate with as much as 61% of those watching voting in favour of him, despite the fact that they had little or no idea of who he was.
People all over the country were desperately trying to remember who the mysterious ‘other man’ was following last night’s broadcast.
“He looked a little bit like David Cameron, only a little thinner in the face, and with a yellow tie,” said BBC political editor Nick Robinson. “From this, we can deduce two things.
“Firstly, that his favourite colour is yellow, and secondly, that he seems to have an interest in politics. I suppose that explains why he was taking part in the debate, to some extent, but beyond that, I haven’t got a clue.”
Although the general consensus was that the man had won the debate, there seemed to be a great deal of confusion over what exactly had given him the edge.
“It’s difficult to say why I thought he did well,” said Daniel Lott, 21, a student at Durham University. “Although I did like the way he didn’t say ‘sh*t’ or ‘bum’ at all during the debate. Not even once.
“I suppose you could say the same for Brown and Cameron, too, but I particularly admired the way the other guy didn’t say those words. It’s as though casual swearing was the last thing on his mind. Brilliant.”
“I thought he had a smashing suit on,” said Mavis Thrower, 72, from Dorset. “”Plus, his hair was very neat and tidy. I think that’s the sort of thing we should be looking for in the next Prime Minister. Smart clothes, and nice hair.”
The 90-minute debate was the first time that the British public had been given an opportunity to see the two political party leaders, plus another bloke, debate matters of policy.
“Do any of you actually know who I am?” asked the man at the end of the debate, as Gordon Brown and David Cameron turned to each other and shrugged.
It is unclear at this point whether or not the man will be invited to join in the next two debates.
“He did quite well, so why not have him back?” concluded Nick Robinson. “Maybe by then we’ll have some kind of idea who he is, and why he’s there?”