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‘Bigotted’ woman vows cold, silent, deadly revenge on Prime Minister

In Politics on April 28, 2010 at 13:12

Mrs Duffy, in training, earlier

A 65 year-old grandmother, labelled as a ‘bigot’ by Prime Minister Gordon Brown has vowed to take “cold, silent, yet deadly revenge” for the comments which left her feeling “humiliated” and “very, very upset.”

Mr. Brown made the remarks about Gillian Duffy after meeting voters on the street during a visit to Rochdale earlier today. Unaware upon stepping into his car that the microphone was still recording his conversation, the Prime Minister declared to an aide:

“That was a disaster – they should never have put me with that woman. Whose idea was that? Ridiculous…she was just a bigoted woman.”

Having seen Mr. Brown’s comments, Mrs Duffy said that she was at first saddened at the thought of the nation’s leader slandering her in such a way, before revealing that a cold, steely determination had grown inside of her to exact vengeance.

“Oh sure, I may look like a befuddled old lady,” said Mrs Duffy, as she retreated into the shadows, wearing a thin, determined grin, “but inside this seemingly vacuous shell beats the heart of a ruthless, cold blooded killer.

Mrs Duffy went on to speculate about the different ways in which she could even the score with the Prime Minister. “He’s made me look like a bloody fool. Nobody – not even Agnes, down at the Bingo – NOBODY does that and gets away with it. Should I shoot him with a firearm? Or club him to death with a crowbar?

“No, both would be far too public. My revenge will be cold and silent, yet deadly. Oh, yes. I’ll strike to claim my revenge, but only when he least expects it.”

Neighbours to Mrs Duffy’s Rochdale home claim that the pensioner is a “Master of the ancient art of ninjistu,” and that she had been “waiting silently, patiently, but with a burning desire” to put what she has learnt to good use. “Brown’s messing with the wrong woman,” said a local man. “I wouldn’t like to be him right now, that’s for sure.”

A Conservative spokesperson was laughing too hard to comment accurately although did point out, whilst pointing to a picture of the Prime Minister that the definition of a bigot is “a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices. Sound like anyone you know?”

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